Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
