hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
