garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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