oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
