I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
