I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
