I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
