ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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