I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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