Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
