so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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