i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
