Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
