How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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