Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
