What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
