Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
