apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
