She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dignity is for republicans.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
