I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The maid of honor just puked.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
