so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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