You work out of a Hotel?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
