I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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