don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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