Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
