Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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