FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
