get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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