DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
