I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
