wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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