so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
