Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
