Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
