What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
