So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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