i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
