You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
