You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
