no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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