I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
