No stitches, just platelets and will power
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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