I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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