No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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