Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
