I wish I could punch you in the face.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
