Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
