Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
