I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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