was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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