McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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